Genie, You're Free (1951 - 2014)

Okay, first off, let me start with a frustrated sigh, because I tried to write this blog earlier this morning and it got deleted when I closed it to check something...

So, it has already been a full week since the world got the devastatingly painful news that Robin Williams, a man loved by many, not just for his ability to make us bust up laughing had taken his own life.

I feel silly for grieving, as I (just like many) didn't know the man personally. I never met him, yet I find myself confused and with many questions that all lead back to a simple (yet not so simple) one worded question; "why?" I just cannot seem to wrap my head around why a man this loved would choose to end his life. I don't mean this in a mean "Matt Walsh Blogs" way..I mean this in a seriously concerned and confused way. Yes I do understand now that just because a person seems exuberantly happy, and is able to make a crowd roar with laughter does not mean they aren't hiding demons. And I also understand that finding out you have got Parkinsons disease is probably a really hard thing to take in, especially when you are already battling a mental illness like he was.

It all makes me wonder "what if?" ..What if just one person would have been there for him to lean on and talk to? ..what if someone was there to tell him "You are worth it, you are loved by many and your life is worth living. " Or simply "I love your work, thank you." Would these words of thoughtfulness and encouragement have changed anything? I would have gladly been the person to tell him that his life is worth living.

I also grieve for his children, especially Zelda, who posted some beautiful things on her social media accounts in his memory. And to the people who were trolling her, you should feel ashamed of yourselves.

We are never going to have Robin Williams back, but we do have the ability to keep his memory alive by watching the movies, tv shows, stand ups, and interviews he did over the years. We can also donate to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, and/or to the troops since he supported both.

Oh and if you are in the area where his funeral is to take place, and have the time please try to make a counter-protest wall to shield his family and friends from the horrible horrible people who make up the Westburo Baptist Church. Yes, they of course are planning to picket. He nor his family deserve this.

If you would like to raise awareness on suicide prevention, TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms) has a pack for sale for Suicide Prevention Day (which is September 10th I believe). The pack costs $30 and includes a T-shirt, a poster, an information flier, and a bracelet. The shirt, and flier feature an orange silhouette, the poster is a black silhouette.  The theme is "No one else can play your part" which is written over the silhouettes and on the bracelet.

So, if you are having thoughts of taking your own life...I want you to know that YOU are worth it, YOU are loved, YOU are not a burden. Even if I do not know you, I want you here!

So in the end, although it hurts and I think in a way will always hurt, I want to say..

"Genie, you're free" and "Oh captain, my captain." .. You will be missed by many who although never had the pleasure of knowing you in real life felt like we knew you. We now grieve like your family grieves. Maybe not as long or strong, but we still grieve.

There is more to it than "its just music that I like"...

I have been debating whether or not I should post this, because some of it is personal relationship stuff, in my opinion. But basically, this is why I am such a fan of Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.

So, last year (May 4th to be exact) My husband and I got married. Yay, marriage..happy, pretty, fancy day. So anyways..it wasn't that great of a year..my husband had a slight drinking problem (may not be as bad as some have, but he's also not the nicest person sometimes when he drinks), and hung out with a guy I simply can never and will never care for.

So what does this have to do with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis? They are okay with sharing their stories, especially Macklemore. He has had substance abuse issues for years, been in rehab, relapsed, rehab..etc. Through it all, his beautiful fiance, Tricia Davis, has stuck with him..when he's been at the lowest of his lows, she has been there. Seeing that, seeing that it is possible to be strong and stick by the one you love while they are not only hurting them self, but you, and many people around them..that definitely helped me stay strong, even when I was at my weakest. Yes. I had moments that I wanted to end things, moments where I was crying on the phone with my mom, nights that he slept downstairs. But, I stuck by even with my heart breaking.

We were lucky enough to win tickets to see Macklemore and Ryan Lewis in concert not only once, but twice. The first time was through a flash contest from a credit union..it was for their show in Des Moines, Iowa on Oct. 30th. The second was through the ACLU..it was for the final concert of their tour in Seattle. That one included round trip airfare, a hotel stay, meet and greet passes, and spending money. Both of those nights were great, and honestly, I cannot wait for another concert.

So, we got through the year..had another pretty big fight at the end of it..but here we are in the new year, and I honestly think we are doing great..he hasn't been drinking as much, and he hasn't hung out with that person previously mentioned at all this year so far (hes even asked other people to hang out) However, I know there will be times that things aren't as great as we would like, and I will just think of how Tricia has stuck by and do the same with my husband.

So, if you hate Macklemore, got ahead, that is your opinion, what you like is what you like, what I like is what I like. But don't say what he does isn't music, when like me he has helped so many people going through hard times. My story may be more to do with his relationship than his music, but if it weren't for his music going big, I wouldn't have known about how strong of a person Tricia is by sticking around when she just as easily could have left.

Happy New Year -- Goals/Resolutions

So, 2013 has been gone for nearly two days now, we are approaching the second day of 2014. So much happened in 2013, a lot of good, and a lot of not so good. I got married, we fought (a lot), we had some amazing luck and got to see Macklemore in concert twice because of it (and meet him). We got a free trip to Seattle (result of said luck). But, that is all in the past. I usually dont do resolutions/goals, because lets face it, they're never really anything we stick to. But, here is a list of things I really want to do throughout the year.

1. Find a happy balance between being a mommy, a wife, and simply being me -- I want to continue to do fun things with Declan, but I don't want to continue to be the person who is afraid to ask for a sitter/even just have my husband watch him while I do things for me. I want more date nights, even if it's nothing fancy (because hey, we live pay check to pay check). and I want more time to myself, again doesn't have to be anything fancy.

2. Start a garden -- I have wanted to do this for a few years now. It comes from me wanting to eat more healthy than we have been, but not being able to afford it (because, you know, its so logic that junk food is cheaper than food that is actually good for you) I feel like if I start a small garden this year, it could lead to healthier eating.

3. Read more -- I honestly used to LOVE to read. I still do, but I get sidetracked/distracted by other things. I have the goal to read The Hunger Games Trilogy again before part one of Mockingjay hits theaters. I want to read The Vampire Academy series, Beautiful Creatures, and possibly re-read Harry Potter. I want to read other stuff too of course, but those are my musts for the year.

4. Clean, and Keep the house clean -- This will be a hard one for me. Its not that I don't care or don't like to have an organized clean house. Its more the fact, that when a mess gets way too out of hand, I get anxiety and then simply have to walk away so I don't end up having a panic attack. But, I want to (here soon) just completely clean, organize, and declutter the whole house. This very well could mean selling/donating stuff we no longer use/need. I want a nice clean and organized home.

5. Put more decor/pictures on the walls -- we have lived in this house for a couple of years now (I think..I honestly can't remember when we moved in) and there are only five things up on the walls. I want to add to those, and give it a homely feel

6. Cook more, eat out less -- Eating out, is also expensive, but we do it so often, because its convenient. I really want to cook more meals for us (even if we have to eat separately due to our schedules) Having a garden will hopefully help with this too.

7. Find a full time job -- Okay, I can't really control if I get hired or not. I love where I work now, and the people I work with. but, I simply need to get a full time job...to be able to afford life, it needs to happen.

8. 52 Week Money Challenge -- For those who don't know, its the money challenge where you start off the first week by putting a dollar aside (in a jar/piggy bank), the second week two dollars, the third three..and so on and so forth until you hit week fifty-two, where you put fifty-two dollars in. The total amount is $1, 378.00. I don't know if we would use that money right away after saving it, or do the challenge for a few years. I think it would be a great way to save up to move, which is something I want to do. as I don't want to live in Boone, or even really Iowa for the rest of my life (nor does my husband)

9. Enter contests/sweepstakes -- Something I started doing last year, (resulted in the two Macklemore concerts, trip to Seattle, Macklemore meet and greet, and seeing Wicked on Halloween) and I really plan on continuing this year. I know I wont always win, but if there is something that I want, or that Joe wants even and there is a contest for it, I will enter it. because, winning isn't even a possibility if I don't enter.

10. Be online less -- I seriously spend way too much time online, which takes away from time that would better be spent doing things that I have on this list. So, I am going to try to not be online so often. It will be hard, but I I want to try to keep it down to a maximum of two hours a day. yes, there will probably be days I go over two hours, but I feel that is a good time frame

So, those are my goals/resolutions. Will they all happen? Most likely not, but its nice to have goals to keep your life moving forward. I hope this year has a lot of ups, and it most certainly will have its down, because hey no one has a perfect life.

Macklemore and Seattle

The ACLU is holding a contest to win a trip to Seattle to see Macklemore in concert and meet him. I would LOVE to win this contest, but I need YOUR help. Please enter the contest through the link on this post, even if you are not really interested, it will up my chances of winning the contest. It would make a great mini vacation for my husband and I, as we haven't gone anywhere major since we went to Orlando back in 2010.  The concert is on December 12th, so you can also think of this as an early Christmas present for the both of us as well as a birthday present for Joe. Your entries will really help out so please go enter. Thank you so much :)

Help me win a trip to Seattle to see and meet Macklemore!

'No' vs Babywearing

I babywear my son when we go shopping, it keeps him close to me, I can still grab stuff I need, and I know he isn't running around with the risk of getting lost. I was told that I need to teach him the word no, and then he wont get lost, and he wont be attached to me. 1) No, doesn't work for a nearly 22 month old, it just upsets, and then they are back to what they were doing. I honestly think this word is very ineffective and should be used sparingly. 2) I ENJOY wearing my son, and he enjoys it too. We are both comfortable doing it, and honestly in a year or so he will be too big/wont want to..I have absolutely NO issue with his being attached.

Remembering Newtown.

Okay,  I want to talk about is the shooting that happened friday in an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. As Im sure the entire country knows,  a man shot his mother in the face at their home, then went to the school she worked at as an aid and shot 26 more people..20 of who were students..kindergardener students..none of the children were over the age of seven. The man who did this took the cowards way out by shooting himself. People are saying we need to forgive this man for what he did. I honestly believe what he did is unforgiveable...he went to the school with the intent to kill thkse innocent children. Its been reported that he tried to buy firearms of his own (he used his mothers) and was denied. Its been confirmed he went into the school with a bullet proof vest on..no matter the man's situation, he KNEW what he was doing, he HAD it planned out.  I believe in forgiveness if the action wasnt premeditated..I forgive drunk drivers whk crash and kill the passengers in the other vehicles, speeders who crash and kill, etc..because those accidents werent premeditated. Most murders are...so no, I dont believe in forgiveness for those who murder...especially those who murder innocent children. These children wont get to know what it feels like to grow up and experience the joys of it. Their parents and other family members are going to have an empty Christmas...all because of this man.

There are a few things I want to do in memory of the victims. I already bought a sympathy card to send to the school, I plan to get that sent tomorrow. I want to donate to any funds they have open. I want to make a beaded bracelet in memory. And I want to do a balloon release on Christmas morning .. twenty balloons in memory of the twenty children whose lives were cut short.

First Dentist Appointment

Watch "Declan's first Dentist appointment" on YouTube

'That' is NOT a 'Thing'! He is a living breathing human being with a name!

Yesterday (Monday the 13th) My fiance and I went see the President at a park in our town, we also took our 15 month old son (Declan). We were standing there, in the crowd, and Declan was a bit of a fussy baby..it was hot and he was hungry, we hadnt gotten his snacks out yet because we were still trying to find a place to stand. Anyways, I was trying to get him to calm down a bit, and this older lady (in her late 50's at least, probably mid to late 60s, even 70s honestly) looks over and says in the rudest tone I have ever heard in my life "Couldn't you have left THAT at home?" I turned around and snapped "wow, rude much?!" and she said "yeah, well those 'things' need to be kept at home for these events" ... I was pissed off so much..this event was FREE, and there were so many people there that it was loud all over..and they had enough speakers set up that you could hear the introductory speakers just fine..as well as Obama. ..not to mention the fact that this happened before anything had EVEN started. I feel I handled it well, but I also feel like I should have said more.. No one should be so rude that they call a little one a 'That' or a 'thing' .. they are living breathing human beings with a name..and apparently unlike this lady, feelings.

Bringing babies to the theater

This topic has came up quite a bit since the recent events in Aurora, Colorado.

In the event of this senseless tragedy, a couple had brought their 3/4 month old and their 4? year old to the Midnight premiere of the movie.

Those of us who dont agree with bringing a baby to the movie theater are getting attacked left and right, people are assuming we are calling these parents bad parents (though I will say the father's actions in the situation are very questionable, but I wont get into that). I don't think it is BAD PARENTING persay, but I would say it is VERY inconsiderate and rude to those around you..not to mention the volume level can hurt a baby's ears. If you want to take your baby to a movie, take him or her to a kids movie, in the middle of the day, in the middle of the week, where there won't be a full house. Dont take your baby to a midnight movie permiere of a HIGHLY anticipated movie! If you can't get a sitter, don't go..plain and simple..the movie is NOT going to change any from when it comes to theaters to when it comes out on bluray/dvd/netflix. If you want to take your baby to the movie, find out if your local theater does movie days/times for children, with the volume set a little lower. I dont go to the movies to hear babies crying, unless the crying baby is IN the movie..it is about respect to the people around you...people need to stop putting themselves before everyone else...

now, just because I disagree with bringing your kid to a midnight movie, does not mean I think you're a bad parent/Im a perfect parent...

Extended Rear Facing

So, this might stir stuff up but.

Today, I went to Ames to go to the library/take Declan to his grandma's. Diana asked me to pick up Joe's nephews (Jack and Jon) Jon is old enough to be out of a car seat, so i didnt have to worry about him..seeing as I didnt want to turn Declan's seat around and I dont think Jack is over the weight, I just put Jack in Rear Facing. He is like three years old...guess what people, he was NOT uncomfy, did not complain that he couldnt see (I could see him looking around through the mirror that we have up for Declan) .. none of that stuff people use as an excuse to prematurely forward face their kiddos...

Soo you're excuses REALLY dont work for me anymore :)

Crawling and Climbing and 69 days..oh my?

So it is official, Declan is a crawling and climbing master. He can crawl all over the place and climbs on everything. He has also started cruising. he can go from one couch to the other at my mom's house, from the love seat to the rocking chair at my house.

Climbing of course means more falls and tumbles, luckily he has figured out how to fall on his bottom, he had been falling on his head for the longest time.

I give him a month before he takes off walking, oh, this scares and excites me at the same time.

Speaking of climbing, he just pulled himself up in the pack-n-play at my mom's house. Apparently the kiddo does not want to take a nap, even though he should..but no, he is more interested in climbing and going into the 'no-no zones'

Only 69 Days until he turns a year old. this momma needs to get planning!!

He also likes scurrying off after bath time, before I get a diaper on him, and climbing the counter.

6 Month Appointment

Weight: 18 Pounds 6.5 Ounces
Length: 26.5 inches

Got all vaccinations, except flu..

Jill (his doctor) thinks he will at least be cruising by his nine month appointment

Teething!!

Declan officially has his first tooth. It is still very tiny, you can barely see it when he smiles. I seriously didnt think it took this long for them to grow. We have tried Sweet Patatos, I think he likes them :)

Food :)

I haven't posted since I mentioned Declan rolling over. Since then, he has had his four month appointment, which included more shots. He ended up being cranky for about a week afterwards. So, we have decided that at his six month appointment (which is half way between 6 and 7 months) we are going to talk to his pediatrician about delaying his vaccinations. We are also going to leave out the flu shot this year (unsure about later years).

We have started eating oatmeal baby cereal. He loves it. We tried it right when he turned 4 months, and he didn't take to it, because of the fact that he has to wait for me to fill the spoon. Now he has gotten used to that part. He also loves stealing the spoon from me and trying to put it into his mouth. because of the spoon thing, I kind of think he is going to be a very independent eater when he starts using utensils by himself.

^^Declan with his baby spoon :)

Declan hates naps, he is already such a sleep fighter, it takes about twenty minutes to get him to sleep and he only naps for half an hour at most. The easiest time to get him to take a nap is after his morning bottle. He will lay in bed with me and fall back to sleep after playing for a little bit.

That is about all that has been going on

Rolling

Declan has officially figured out how to roll from his back to his tummy..he has been rolling from tummy to back quite a while...More later :)

Happy Accident. Not A Mistake.

The other day, I got into an argument with someone I don't even know except for on Facebook. She has major issues keeping a roommate in College and posted a status saying she needed a place of her own. Here are the comments (as close as I remember them, as she has me blocked *on both of my accounts* now)

Me: If you can't manage to keep a roommate for a few months in college, how do you expect to live with your husband for the rest of your life when the time comes?

Girl: I'm not talking about college right now, so don't make assumptions. and I maybe I don't want to get married..I don't want kids, I HATE KIDS! and I think Im too unique to ever get married..

Me: LMAO, thats a tad extreme. I didn't ever think I wanted children until it happened, now Im ready for more already, but can't do it financially.

Girl: Well, I'm not going to judge you for a mistake you made..

Declan was NOT planned by any means, but he definately was NOT a mistake either. Joe has stuck by me/us every step of the way, and we have quite the great little family going now. This girl and I have been going back and forth for quite sometime. She gets mad way easily (easier than I do) and is just a bitch and a half. I don't try to be mean, but this girl is just..ugh, Im really starting to think its her roommates leaving her and not her leaving them, because of how she acts online..Im guessing she is just as bad off.

Later

Her: I'm glad your fiance has been with you every step of the way. So long as you can support him and my tax dollars don't have to.

umm, yeah, just because I have my son on medicaid, doesnt give you the right to judge. You dont know me or my story...

words cannot describe how much i dislike this girl..

5 Perks. 5 Flaws.

As you get older, you begin to realize that no one is perfect, because everyone has their own perspectives of perfect. Everyone wants to be a certain size, have their hair a certain way, and there will always be that one outfit, pair of shoes or purse that we cannot afford. I think it is time that we look at the positives of ourselves (not just looks) and also be proud of the flaws, because everything that we like and don't like about ourselves makes us who we are. Here are 5 things I like about myself, and 5 things I don't like

Five Perks
1. I am a GREAT mom
(I may not be your definition of perfect..or even mine, but I am doing a damn good job, especially for someone who was unsure if she wanted any children. Are there things I regret? Of course, but there is nothing I can do about those things at this time. I love my son more than anything, and I think it shows)
2. I am very family oriented
(Family is VERY important to me, without them..I wouldn't be here *As in, if my mom and dad hadn't have met, I wouldn't have been born.* I love spending time with them all.)
3. I believe in the power to change the world for the better
(A little out there, I know..)
4. I enjoy the little things in life
(I honestly do not need a lot. just a simple life with my fiance and son, and family time..is all I really need)
5. I love to make people happy
(especially kids, which is why I would love to be a pediatric nurse)

Five Flaws

1. I tend to get mad easily
(I take things way too seriously at times, and it can drive me crazy)
2. I am very indecisive
(One of the reasons why I haven't gone back to school)
3. I am HORRIBLE at Math
(...)
4. I have controlling tendencies
(There are times where I have to run the show...and its usually not when I really should be)
5. I am very gullible
(like, to the point that if you told me I was going to die tomorrow, I just might believe you..)

Pregnancy/Birth Story

I found out that I was pregnant about five days before I turned 21. I had my suspicions that I was, but was denying it to myself as well as everyone else. I finally decided to take a test, because I didn't want to drink anything if I was...sure enough both tests came back positive. Besides my fiance, my best friend and my mom were the first to know. I was still not comfortable with telling people, so only a few people knew by the time my birthday rolled around. I had my first appointment in November, and by December everyone knew that I was pregnant. Hy-Vee (Where I work) switched me from courtesy to checker so I wouldnt have to lift heavy items. I found out that we were having a boy in January, and also discovered the spot on his liver. We ended up having to see a specialist because of the spot. My due date was the 18th, and my induction date was the week after. I ended up having him the 17th at 5:54 am. I was supposed to go to work that day, I didnt see the point of getting off a week or two before my due date and having nothing to do so I worked until then.

Here is my birth story..At about 2 am on May 17th, I woke up feeling like I had to pee so I got up to go to the restroom and a gush of water came out. My reaction ended up being 'Really Declan, you made me pee my pants?' but then it just kept coming..so I realized what it was and told my mom. By the time we got to the van I was have contractions pretty close together, so we basically had to speed to Ames (where the hospital I go to is..I will not go to the one in the town I live in). Joe (my fiance) met us at the hospital, because he was living in Ames at the time. We probably arrived there around 2:30 ish. I tried to go without an epidural, but could not handle the pain so i cave in and got it. Let me tell you, epidurals do NOT always slow down labor. I don't remember a lot after getting the epidural..I do know I didnt sleep, so this part is just gonna be random. The nurse lost his heart beat two times. the first time, she was able to find it..the second time she couldn't so she freaked out and called some other nurses..I had to wear an oxygen mask to get it back up, and then they checked me and he was all the way down and crowning..(this was probably 4 or 4:30) so they called the doctor to come in. When the doctor got there, he said 'Gee, when they called to say she was in labor, I thought Id be able to go back to bed for awhile'. So then the fun part of pushing began..I ended up getting an episotomy, and he still wasnt coming out, so they had to use the vacum. Turns out, he had his arm up by his head, so it was making it hard for him to come out. (every time we had an ultrasound he had that arm up there, and he sleeps like that to this day). He was born at 5:54 am  on May 17th..he weighed 6 lbs 13 oz and was 21 inches long.

All of my doctors were great throughout my pregnancy, labor and hospital stay.

Deleted/Starting new

So, I have decided to delete all of my old blog posts and start new. Im planning on using this as a mommyhood blog, so watch out for daily posts about my baby Declan and my life as a mommy. <3. I may put up a new play list every now and then..